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July 26, 2011 at 1:34am
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A mother’s love to her daughter, and a daughter’s love to her boyfriend .

I love you as much as you love him, or even more . I wish to see you everyday too but I don’t . 

I look forward to you keeping the promises you made to me but when you don’t, though I am disappointed and angry at you, I have never given up on you .

When you are much younger, we did everything together . We spend everyday, every second possible together . You’d tell me everything that happen, from the little gossips you have in school to the opinions you think of your teachers clothes . I listened every of them and I love it when you are telling me things .

Once, you were told to talk about your favorite person . You said it was me .

But when you grew up and had wider circles of friends, you unconsciously left me behind . I would not say you forget me, but you must admit, you never thought of me as much as you used too . I was naturally, upset .

I tried to close the gap between us . I used ways like “grounding”, “spot-checking”, “curfews” , hoping to bring us closer back together . Sadly, it didn’t work . Instead, it pushed you further away . I tried to probe a little now and then in our already very strained and minimum conversation, hoping you would tell me a little of your life- which is now so foreign to me . I know you don’t like to be home early, I have never once shut the doors but always, lying half-awake in sleep just to hear your footsteps in the house to be assured that you are home fine . 

One day, after a huge dispute over something minor, you move out . You told me you hated me . You hurled hurtful words . Then you left . You told me you never wanted to hear from me again .

I was so upset . I was so sad . On the impulse, I told you to never come back if you leave . In my heart, I was hoping that you will say you are sorry and that you wish to stay . But you did not . You said “fine” and took off .

I called you every night after you left . The first few months, I was hoping that the conversations could be pleasant and long . But no, it’d always end up with anger in one of us . After all the disappointments, I still want to hear from you . I still want to let you know, no matter where you are, you are still a part of me and I want so much to be a little part of you .

So, the conversations shortened . Much as I would love to hear your voice and prolong the conversations into happy topics, I realized, I should stay as minimum as possible least I’d spark another fire between the now already badly-burnt us .  

Once or twice, I’d bring back the same topic that you wish so much to never hear . “When are you coming back?” . Immediately after the words leave my mouth, I regretted . I know I’d ignite another flame between us . But I hope you understand, it was because I missed you dearly .

We don’t talk as much as we did before . Mostly is because you don’t want to talk to me(I think) and I don’t know what to say to you- that wouldn’t cause any more friction between us .

I just want you to know . No matter what wrongs you’ve done, what happened in the past, how much hatred you have for me or dislike me . I love you and I won’t give up on you . My arms have and always will be open for you . I love you .

(Source: tha-tomato.blogspot.com)

Notes

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