thappiness ♥

I know it’s me, but I don’t know how to solve it..

You told me you’re not free. You told me you’re sleeping. You told me, late.r- later- later. How long more? 

In the past, I was very gullible. My ex boyfriend used to lie to me, way far too much, for every little single thing. I think it had gotten into me, I don’t trust anyone. Anyone at all. That’s why every word you said, I put a question mark to it. I’d tried to trust you. Did I not? And what happened? You lied to me, for your ex-girlfriend. :’( That opened up my scarred wounds. I tried very very very hard to put my past down, to erase every scary thing that haunts my mind, to cast out every single one I know. Not because of you, it’s because of myself. I hate those haunting memories, and I’ve long deleted them- most of them. And why? Why did you back then opened up my scarred wounds? I lost the ability to trust. Then you came along. I trusted you. Then you hurt me, once- maybe unintentionally but very deeply. 

Even now, 5 months since you hurt me. Some nights I am still hurt by it.. And today is just one of those days.. Why am I so isolating myself from everyone? Because there’s nobody I know in reality worth the trust. It’s scary, haunting and very very very hurting. :’(

There are just some things you do- though not on intention- but just reminds me of back then. Time heal all wounds, but scars still show.. And today is just one of the very sad days that I cry non-stop.. I don’t like being home.. I like being outside, where things- people- places captures my every attention and because my attention is captured, there’ isn’t any little space for those haunting images of the past to come chasing me… :’(